Eric Cartman would've done better trying to get something for Scott Tenorman's pubes just up the road from South Park, Colo. at the Hilton Garden Inn Downtown Denver.
If pubic hair is cool, consider the Hilton Garden Inn Denver Downtown Miles Davis. But unlike most jazz compositions, this story has an ending, and a happy one at that.
Upon checking in at the business hotel Monday night, my wife found a stray short and curly (my phrase and the Rolling Stones’, not hers) on the toilet seat in her room. The attendant at the front desk was apologetic and immediately dispatched the nighttime manager. He arrived promptly and, taking my wife’s claim at face value (I would’ve performed a color analysis, but I guess that explains why I’m not in the hospitality business), helped her move to a new room, apologizing profusely.
Within half an hour a manager returned to express regret again, bringing with him
- two bags of microwave popcorn
- two bottles of vitamin water (strawberry kiwi and lemonade flavors)
- a coupon for a free movie
- a coupon for a free dessert from room service
My wife was impressed with the customer service and quick attention to the pubic problem, and she wouldn’t hesitate to stay there again. As for me…if one pube is worth a movie gift bag, my bathroom at home—which I don’t share with my wife—merits dinner at a three-Michelin-star restaurant. Probably time to go clean it. But before I grab the rubber gloves and Fantastik, here’s the recipe for what I’ll be drinking as I scrub:
- Mix 4 oz. of lemon lime soda and 2 oz. of Jack Daniels
- Warm the drink in a microwave until it reaches approximately 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit
- Garnish with a pubic hair and serve
Hilton Garden Inn Denver Downtown
1400 Welton St.
Denver, CO 80202
303-603-8000
Photo: Courtesy South Park
